No matter how much you try to deny it all jugglers like to impress the people that see them juggle. Don't give me any of this "I juggle for my self" crap or "its deeply personal thing and I hate juggling in public". Admittedly some people enjoy the performance a lot more than others, but we still love to go to the park on a sunny day and juggle in a public area. We juggle because it's cool and impressive. But there are perils involved in sharing your talent...

The number of times your standing there practicing your three club column variations just to here the shrill cry's of "HE'S JUGGLING" from a bunch of delinquents hurtling towards you at break neck speed (Oh if only they would break). Their out reached podgy hands stained with ice cream and felt tip pen homing in on your prop bag as their high speed assault continues. Then you see your glowballs and favourite suede balls are lying out on the grass in full view of their ever-advancing glee filled chubby little eyes. Will I get there first? I spent a lot of money on those props! Ice cream and suede! 40 quid each, I spent on those balls! "Hey, hey, hey... They're very expensive balls please don't touch them". "I only want to look at them, mister". "Okay just don't pick them up"

Too late the fattest little girl has picked up a glowball and is flinging over her head with both hands without a care in the world. "Please can you stop that they are very delicate". Here practice with these". Now you pull out those old bean filled four panel beauties that you first leant to juggle with and the ones people give because they know you 'like to juggle'. Thanks... yeah I love to juggle with balls that you got free from some over eager sales rep, when I have some very nice DX's. Okay so you gather the glowballs and suede balls out the way, now to job of teaching the brats to juggle. The little fat girl is still just aimlessly throwing a ball over her head. Just be thankful she's throwing a ball that costs 20p and not bugging you about her mum who can juggle three oranges. (Can your mum juggle oranges? Mine can't and I don't know any mums that can, but all the kids I ever meet tell me their mums can)

After 10 minutes they get pretty bored with throwing things and just sit and watch, you continue your club juggling, throwing in backpasses, under the leg work and other 'Ooooo' factor tricks. Then it happens. As if some mystical force gains control over their rounded little bodies and it's the fat little girls that starts it off. Your heart sinks and the lack of enthusiasm for the chain of flourish, chop, chin roll, back pass, under the leg, 2up pirouette, 1up pirouette you just pulled off when all the want is..."Higher".

Higher. All they appreciate is a club thrown high in the air, they just don't get it. I just linked seven tricks together with no self-passes and you want to see me do the trick that the fat little girl was doing? I been juggling clubs for three years, A trained monkey can throw a club high in the air. "HIGHER, HIGHER"... Fine higher it is but its not just a high throw club this is a valid trick it's a 3 3 59. If I give it, its full site swap notation then is fully justified. So here we go with the mega high, kill the passing pigeon, scare the aeroplanes, hyper spinning, 3 3 59 throw. No matter how high our throw it or how many times it spins, they appetite for height will never vanquish, so you continue your column variations and watch them as the run with glee towards the ice cream van.

Was it worth it? Narr, but someone always makes your day with a passing "That's pretty cool mate". So you go home with a smile on your face, spring in your step, and plans of how next time you'll bring your juggling blades and accidentally throw one through the fat little girls head.

Andy Parry